I have had so much personal growth in the last year! After my moms breast cancer diagnosis, I felt extremely lost and scared! Fear of the unknown is a very powerful emotion, and it can take over your life if you let it! The things is, it wasn’t happening to my body, so why should I be allowed to feel all the things I was feeling?! At least that was what I was telling myself, and therefore overwhelmed with guilt! This pattern of emotions were causing me to react in ways I didn’t even recognize, which was spilling over into my every day life with family and friends, and therefore wreaking havoc on my life! Once my moms treatments were complete, all the emotions I had hung on to were set loose! Some I can say, were not so pretty either! I am not entirely proud of all my actions, but I realize now they were absolutely necessary for me to cope! The thing is, mistakes often lead to important lessons and personal growth, so we must forgive ourselves and move forward. Don’t allow someone to hold you down by constantly requiring an apology for who you are, and how you handle things! Just because they may not handle it the same as you, does not make it wrong, nor does it make you a bad person! You’re just different, and no one should shame you on that one!
I am grateful for the many important and necessary lessons and experiences in my life, including the people! I knew that those who wanted to work through my darker days with me, without judgement, taking it personally, and pure honesty, were the ones I could truly count on, and trust! The people and things causing me self doubt, pain, resentment, and stress, were things I needed to let go of. I absolutely do no blame anyone for making me feel that way either. I believe that we teach people how to treat us, and when we are vulnerable and lack self confidence, others will simply and naturally treat you as such! It’s never easy to let go of the things we are familiar with either, and often times we end up digging ourselves deeper and deeper into being misunderstood! No one likes to be misunderstood, and certainly no one likes to feel that their vulnerabilities are being judged or shared with others.
I think if I am being honest, the shift in my life was happening long before I myself saw the changes happening! It wasn’t just me shifting, it was the universe. I simply felt that the responsibility was being placed on me! A shift was very much needed for everyone in my life, even though I knew I was going to end up being the one feeling very much alone! I think it’s safe to say that change is extremely hard on everyone. People often resist change, that can lead to a lot of hurt feelings! My life in that very moment made me realize I absolutely wasn’t the same person anymore, and I needed to be that change in my own life! I needed to shift my thoughts and actions, because I didn’t like who I was becoming! It had nothing to do with others, although it would most definitely affect others. I realized it was ok to change as I grew, and that others change too! It is not about who was right, and who is wrong. Who is the bad person, and who comes out on top. No one comes out on top when lives shift, it just…changes, and it’s ok! It doesn’t have to be a bad thing, as long as everyone can be respected!
I am grateful for each persons who came into my life, and what they have taught me! We all need certain things during certain times in our life! I hold no resentment for past hurts! I am simply realizing now that it’s ok to walk away from something we don’t like (including our old self), speak up, be vulnerable, and want change! As difficult as it might be sometimes, life shifts and so must we! I simply want to embrace the things that make me joyful, and be brave enough to walk away from the things that don’t!
LIFE IS PRECIOUS! BE BRAVE!